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Hear my testimony on the radio!
For the first 32 years of my life, I grew up in Bath and I was essentially living a destructive life. My early childhood experiences had been tough. Aged 12, my sister Nadasa, who was 5 years old was, was diagnosed with a brain tumor. If she did not have an operation to remove it, she would be left blind and disabled. I will never forget visiting her after the operation - her head bandaged and her face black and blue from bruising and tubes stuck into various parts of her body. For 13 years she battled against this awful illness, which eventually left her bound to a wheelchair. During this time, I remember praying to God to heal her, but looking back, I was bargaining with him, "please make her better and I will believe in you". During that awful time my brother, sister and I never really saw much of our parents, mum practically lived at the hospital and dad was working 12 hour plus days. My teenage life was very much a blur and all I can recall is pain from this period. An example is my 16th birthday, I was playing rugby for the school and my foot was stamped on. It was a cold winter afternoon and I had to come off the pitch as I could hardly walk. I cannot remember how I got home but I was so looking forward to a birthday welcome. That night I spent, the whole evening alone and there was many tears.
After leaving school at 16 with very few formal qualifications, I drifted from one job to another. I also began following Chelsea Football Club and become involved in the bravado associated with football back in the 80s. Football to me became my god and everything in my life became based around it I was also part of "The Honest Gang". Needless to say, we were far from honest and often found ourselves on the wrong side of the law. I was binge drinking and smoking (not just tobacco) mainly because of the pain I was experiencing it was also the done thing to do. I thought it would make me happy and take away the pain, but instead it was leading me to a road of destruction. After spending a night in a police cell I began to realize, I could not go on living like this. Towards the end of 1985, I took a job in London working as a painter and decorator and really began to make good progress. However, this contract ended after 6 months. I had managed to save some money and decided at the last minute to follow England to Mexico for the 1986 World Cup Finals. My time there really opened my eyes to the poverty those living in the third world face. I remember buying souvenirs from one child and giving to another to re-sell. It was so sad.
When I came back to England I began my own painting and decorating business and bought my first home. I was 23. The timing was perfect as the boom of the 1980's had just begun. I was one of Mrs. Thatcher's entrepreneurs living a life of success focused entirely on me. I even managed to buy a second home and rented out the first. Life was good. Then towards the end of 1988, my sister was diagnosed with a second tumor. This was a tough period witnessing her have holes drilled into her head to relieve pressure and hopefully starve the tumor. Well, it did not work and another operation was required in March 1989. The priest who had spent time with her was an awesome man and my sister knew despite her pain that there was a God in heaven who loved her. She was a bundle of joy and during all her years of pain always had a smile for everyone. The night before her operation, I sensed a teenager totally at peace and prepared to meet God. She asked my father to be brave as he hugged her for what would be the last time. During the operation, the left artery to her brain was severed and this meant she would be paralyzed on one side of her body. I held her hand during the last few moments as her life ebbed slowly away. In the small hours of March 3rd, I can now say my sister passed from this life on earth to be with her father in heaven.
However, at the time I was angry with God for taking away the person I loved. I became even more selfish and focused on me. My parents split up and the family drifted apart. Then the recession started and interest rates doubled overnight. The things I had based my security on, property, nice car, my own business etc were soon to become meaningless. As I tried to chase outstanding debts, I struggled to pay my bills. First, I lost the one home, and then my car followed, and then the home I lived in. That was hard - leaving the key in my front door so the bailiffs did not have to break-in. In May 1993, I walked away from my home an hour before they arrived and experienced homelessness for the first time. After trying to get back on my feet and not succeeding for a couple of years I booked a flight to Cyprus (my mother's birthplace) and on my last day there was offered a job. I had no reason to return to England so for five years the island became my home. My job was working as an entertainer on the Skycoaster - a licensed American Amusement Ride. Basically it was a ride that was the closest thing you could get to jumping out of an aero plane and it was designed to scare people to death. I will never forget the first time I flew, hyperventilating as I was pulled 100 feet up the launch tower with both my brothers either side of me. I also tried bungee jumping and my boss who was a keen skydiver soon got me into that sport as well. Sharing a house with young people, living the high life that comes with having a glamorous job, as well as the freedom I was experiencing emotionally, really went to my head. I soon began to forget what God had done for me and began to think I was the main man in Cyprus.
However I deep inside I knew something wasn't right. I was living a life where God was a long way away, a life of hedonism filled with the things the world counts as pleasure. A glamorous job, parachuting, celebrity status (including hanging out with Prem football players), having all the trappings this kind of life brings like access to nightlife, clubs, parties, an endless supply of very cheap alcohol, girlfriends and numerous other things 'the world counts as pleasure'. I began to analyze people like these footballers (as I did myself), young men who seemed on the outside to have it all. I began to see through the fickleness of some of their lives for example the way they deceived people (mainly women) and the image they tried to live up to. King Solomon who knew God and had incredible wealth struggled when it came to the deep questions of life. "I have seen all things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind". (Ecc 1:14) In talking to some of these young men I discovered like me that they too were often leading meaningless and futile lives and were searching for significance.
On another occasion my brother came to visit me from England and I took him to the parachute club because I wanted to show off. I jumped out of the plane and when I pulled my parachute it failed to open properly and in that moment the glamour left me. I knew if I died I was not going to heaven that my destination was the alternative and I was scared very scared. “You, Capernaum, who are exalted to heaven, will be brought down to hell.” Even though I had heard the teachings of Jesus at school, like the people of Capernaum I had chosen to reject Him and now I was going to pay the price with a life of eternal damnation in hell. My reserved worked but even then I doubted it and still thought death was waiting for me when I hit the ground. I hit the ground hard and survived with cuts and bruises, but in those moments my life had changed and I began to see that the way I was living was wrong but I still felt powerless to do anything about it.
We can search and try to find comfort and acceptance in the ways of the world, we can even try to find ourselves through spiritualism or even religion for example the Pharisees and Paul before he was saved (Phil 3: 4-6), thought religious duty was enough. Jesus however said these people would not enter the kingdom of heaven even though they saw themselves as righteous. Religion in my opinion is about people looking for something and when finding it having to do things to gain acceptance. Just look at the religious extremist who is prepared to blow himself up and kill and maim many others in order to gain acceptance. With Christianity Jesus comes looking for us, God Himself will drop to the lowest depths to meet with us personally. Jesus did this for us on the cross He sank to the depths of hell to find us. I still find it hard to comprehend, that he would come looking for someone like me.
In my case it happened a few days after my close encounter with death. One night I went into a bar and before I had a drink, I went off to use the toilet. It was in this cubicle that I had a "Damascus Road" experience. I was on the floor in tears when Christ revealed himself to me, convicted me of my sin and brought me to repentance and submission. Jesus met with me in the toilet of a grotty bar ironically called 'The Old Wreck Inn' in a tourist haven of Ayia Napa Cyprus (the bar is still there). In many ways I was a wreck I had become something I didn’t like I at times even hated myself and what I was doing. Yet in that moment I was offered the chance of a brand new start. Having Jesus in my life and what I now have as a Christian "is not merely preferable or a better alternative; in contrast (as with the Apostle Paul) my former way of life was worthless and despicable". (NIV Study Bible 1998:1773) Shortly after my conversion, I met a Christian who befriended me and led me into church; my journey as a disciple began there.